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Thoughts

How to build Trust in a Relationship

How to build trust in a relationship is crucial when you are seeking to create and nurture a world around you that is meaningful and rewarding.

I have just listened to a wonderful podcast on Oprah’s Super Soul channel, by Dr Brene Brown called the Anatomy of Trust

The reason I say wonderful is because it typifies the simplicity of how you build trust in relationships, commercial and personal.

Brene eloquently summarises a simple process for building and retaining trust and I believe this will help everyone seeking to do so within social media, in their marketing and of course, in the real world relationships that help support and develop is as human beings.

The process is simply called BRAVING and can be summarised as:

Boundaries – set realistic boundaries for the relationship in advance of interaction and use these consistently so that both sides know exactly where they are and what to expect and not expect. Boundaries are crucial to set both the context for the relationship but also to tune the expectations for both parties.

Reliability – always ensure that you deliver your side of the contract. Be timely, efficient and appropriate and make sure you can be relied upon. Reliability on your part will create a mirrored behaviour from the other party.

Accountability – be accountable for everything in the transactions, conversations and promises in the relationship. Accountability inspires faith that you are truly engaged in the relationship and not using it with ulterior motives.

Vault – maintain confidentiality, impartiality and objectivity in the relationship. If the other party knows it can rely on your to maintain discretion and confidentially, then you are on a sure fire route to a trustworthy relationship. In marketing we have data protection legislation to ensure that anything held by us is secure and safe and this ‘vault’ gives a feeling of confidence and security that’s at the heart of a trusting relationship.

Integrity – be loyal and consistency attuned to your higher purpose and values. Consistency in this regard is essential so that the other party can relax into the relationship, safe in the knowledge that it’s being formed and sustained for the right reasons.

Non-Judgement – allows the other party to truly express what they want, need and expect from your relationship. Removing judgement allows the other party to be open, comfortable and positive in their communications back to you. In social media for example, this is the best way to inspire advocacy, so keep it front of mind in the style and tone of voice in which you communicate.

Generosity – the phrase ‘do as you would be done by’ perfectly sums up why trusting relationships are based on what you give rather than what you focus on getting. Go the extra mile and your returns will be significantly greater than if you are seeking a return in the first place.

To learn more about how to build trust in a relationship, you can listen to the full podcast here

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Thoughts

Wealth and Freedom are Free

Wealth and Freedom are Free

“Freedom isn’t secured by filling up on your heart’s desire but by removing your desire.” Epictetus, Discourses 4.1.75

“There are two ways to be wealthy – to get everything you want or to want everything you have. Which is easier right here and right now? The same goes for freedom. If you chafe and fight and struggle for more, you will never be free. If you could find and focus on the pockets of freedom you already have? Well then you’d be free right here, right now”

Today’s wonderful ‘meditation wisdom’ from The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday. What a gift for a Monday morning to remind us that what we are seeking is probably already within our grasp. Just reflect for a moment about things for which you already grateful and when you think about it, aren’t these already as good as those for which you strive?

View this book and more in our bookstore.

 

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Podcasts Thoughts

What Makes Your Ears Prick Up?

What makes your ears prick up? It’s a vital question to ask yourself to ensure you are focusing on things that really matter to you.

What gives you that lift in the morning? What things bring a smile to your face? What is it that you do that makes you most content and happy? What motivates and drives your energy levels better than anything else?

By aligning what makes your ears prick up, with your goals and plans in life, will help you to align your head and your heart, bringing you deeper levels of satisfaction and contentedness.

This thought provoking podcast by Sonya may help you to identify what really matters to you most.

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Podcasts Thoughts

Control and Choice

Control & Choice are two of the most important perceptions in your life that, when understood and blended into your every day, help to bring you happiness and contentedness.

Inspired by the wonderfully insightful book The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman, this short reflection on the importance of control and choice is designed to help you think about where you are today and where you would like to be, in feeling in control and making appropriate choices in your life.

A good starting point in your journey of taking control and benefiting from the space and time this presents to you, is to free yourself from things that don’t matter. There are so many things in our lives that we feel compelled to say yes to: Our family demands our time, energy and attention; We say yes to appointments with friends that sometimes we’d rather not go to; We wish to please and appease, so we continually say yes, before understanding fully how this will impact on how we feel and our capacity to attend to what’s most important.

Feel free to say no. It’s not spurning others, or saying they aren’t worthy of your attention and time. If you are clear, concise and communicate without excuse, you will help the other person(s) to see the real reasons behind your decision. Begin by being honest with yourself and then convey this honesty, without excuses, to the outside world.

It’s not easy in the beginning. If you are very ‘British’ you will likely not enjoy saying no as you may have been programmed that this indicates and feels as though you are letting others down. However, you are most likely to be letting yourself down and that is even worse. Remember the pre-flight instructions from the airlines, “fit your own oxygen mask, before attending to others”. If you aren’t being honest and fair to yourself, then you certainly aren’t being the best you for others.

“Our reasoning can take crooked, overwhelming and confusing influences and make them orderly…” say Holiday and Hanselman. It’s vital to take the time to reflect before giving away your control and when choosing your decisions. Those who jump straight in without real consideration of the consequences, leave themselves open to uncertainty, chaos and high risk of dis-ease.

“Serenity and stability are the results of choices and judgment and not your environment”, they continue. Happiness and control in your life comes from an understanding that choices are yours, not others’. How others react, is their reaction and not yours.

If you always communicate and live with good intention at all times, focusing on control and choice, you can be sure that any outcomes are what they should be… honest, authentic and true.

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Thoughts

Great Communicators Always Look In The Mirror

Great Communicators Always Look In The Mirror

Whilst mentoring and teaching marketers, I’ve said so many times over the years that to be successful, they need to step out of their own shoes and take their customers’ perspective.

To be the voice of a customer, reflecting needs and priorities back into the organisation, a marketer must constantly see everything from their customer’s perspective. If they only think and look from their own viewpoint, they will inevitably be biased and controlled by their own ego.

I call this process looking in your Marketing Mirror and it’s so applicable in everyone’s personal life as well as professional.
As a life-long introvert (well I would be wouldn’t I!) I tend to listen more than I speak and this gives me the space and time to appreciate the mirror and in turn reflect on how I must be appearing and sounding to whoever I am encountering.

This doesn’t mean I am worrying about this, just that I am tuned to it and aware.

It also doesn’t mean that I am especially good at this, but rather that it’s a natural default because of my introversion.
There are many people, who you might describe as intuitives, or ‘sensitives’, as they are sometimes called in the holistic world, who ‘feel’ a lot of this mirror effect without consciously trying. They are acutely aware of the feelings and emotional impacts of those around them and the energy flows in both directions. They may or may not be aware that they are doing this, but for the rest of us it needs to be a honed skill that is important if we are to become both self-aware and relevant to others.

Looking in your own mirror will help you to become more self-aware and more adept at flowing with the needs of those you are communicating with. How do you appear, what is the impact of what you are saying and how you are saying it? Is your tone of voice, style and body language appropriate to the other person(s)? What do you see if you hold this virtual mirror in front of you, both when you are alone and planning an encounter, conversation, date or meeting? What do you see, that may be very different, when you old up your virtual mirror as you in front of the other person(s)? What would you want to change and why? What do you cherish and celebrate and why?

Hold it up now and what do you see?

Neil Wilkins

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